Styrofoam cup.

This is another one of my photo experiments.

Granite marker.

Ever since I added the mobile option to my blog, I have been experimenting with photography. This granite marker sits outside my work.

Column.

I work in an old building with a huge porch where people frequently gather for lunch. Here is a pic of one of the columns from that porch.

Still life.

I read several sites that offer helpful hints on how to streamline your life. One of them, lifehacker.com, recently had a post on how to use twitter.com as you organizer/calendar by sending and receiving text messages from your cell. The post demonstrated how to set parking meter reminders. I find this idea is ridiculous because it shows how to simplify your life by complicating it first. Most cell phones these days have alarm clocks anyway. Or, if you wanted a low tech solution, get yourself a stopwatch.

Fountain.

This glorious water display proudly sits in the center of town while we're experiencing a slight drought and are urged to conserve water.

Abandon ship!

Karl Rove announced that he has resigned as political adviser and will be leaving the White House on August 31st. It appears that the ship of state is sinking and the rats are getting off while the lifeboats are still available.

Amazing.

Here Lili demonstrates her ability to hold a bottle with one hand.

Work.

As deadlines loom I get busier and busier at work. This leaves no time to think or blog. So here is a picture of a rain spout on the porch of the building I work at.

Holy Crap!

A man, who shares my first name, was arrested at Pace University for throwing a copy of the Quran in a toilet. How many members of other religions would raise such a ruckus over their "holy book" being in a toilet? And if I threw The Book of Mormon into the nearest urinal would anybody on this campus even notice? Read more about it.

Catch phrases.

Yesterday, as I was watching my friend Lisa leaving the DesignStar studio, I began to wonder why reality shows have such stupid catch phrases. The highly pompous host of DesignStar told Lisa that her "show has been canceled." I thought the idea was that the contestant were there to win a show not to have one canceled. And how about the equally pompous host of the equally overrated Survivor, "the tribe has spoken" has got to be the dumbest thing in television history. The so-called tribe does not speak, they vote. And these votes, despite the host insisting on it, are not tallied. They are simply counted. Also, why does he keeps saying "somebody is going home tonight" after the contestants who get voted out go from the tribal council to the jury. What ever happened to the simplicity of a baseball umpire's call: "You're Out!" It does not belittle or humiliate the contestant, it simply notifies them that their turn is over. I would like to see more baseball umpires host so-called reality shows.

A great artist is gone.

Ingmar Bergman, one of the great (if not the greatest) 20th Century filmmakers, has died at his home in Sweden.

Reality TV.

I no longer consider myself an HGTV viewer. My friend Lisa got kicked off the second season of DesignStar after the first competition. I was only going to watch the show because of her anyway and now I will occupy my time with a far more amusing show, The Two Coreys on A&E. It is an ingenious paring of married, stable actor Corey Feldman and single, not-so-stable actor Corey Haim. They appeared in several movies together in the '80's and were, at one point, huge. This show is hilarious, especially for somebody like me who is fascinated by the real person behind the role.

Lili and Mom

Lili is getting ready for bed. I just wish she didn't have redeye.

In the news.

This morning, as my wife was driving me to work, I heard a story about Islamabad's Red Mosque being reopened for Friday prayers. It has recently been the site of a week-long standoff between the Pakistani military and the local chapter of Militant Muslims. This made me wonder why are there no militant Buddhists, or Jews, or Christians, or Hindus, or even Atheists. Why did Muslims corner the market on this?

Lili sleeping.

This is my daughter sleeping in her bassinette back when she was one month old. I ran this pic through PhotoShop.

Drunks in space.

A NASA study found that astronauts were allowed to fly drunk on two occasions. I wonder how soon we can expect a bar module to be added to the International Space Station.

A giant moth.

This picture was taken in the Wal-Mart parking lot.

Time.

Today, my daughter is seven months old. I am amazed by how much she has changed in the last few months. She can hold her bottle, pick up her toys, and sit up. But the thing that amazes me the most is my daughter's smile, except when she wakes up in the middle of the night and smiles at us when my wife and I tell her that sleep is a really good idea.

All in the family.

If Muslims want the West to stop seeing them as barbarians, they have to stop the honor killings. It is hard for me to buy the claim that Islam is a religion of peace when murdering a woman to restore the honor of her family is acceptable.

In local news.

This was bound to happen eventually. Somebody my wife and I have known for years is a contestant on a reality show. My friend Lee's wife, Lisa (first one in the right column), is a contestant on the second season of DesignStar on HGTV. She has a chance to win her own show on HGTV which would be awesome since she's very creative and talented artist. Lee is a very creative and talented artist, too.

The less you know.

The better off you'll be, according to the late, great Warren Zevon. There have been recent developments in the glorious lunatic asylum we lovingly call the Congress that I thought were worth commenting on. As always, I took some time to think about what I was going to write before actually writing it. It seems that the Democrats voted to pull the troops out of Iraq by April. There are a couple problems with that idea. One, Iraqis are as ready to govern themselves as a ten year old is ready for a driver's license. Two, this would leave a lot of soldier, who have put their lives on the line, with a sense of defeat that American soldiers have not felt since Lee surrendered at Appomattox. Since "couple" usually means two, I will not list anymore. Another bit of craziness was the Congress staying up all night to debate the War in Iraq which, according to Bush, we won two or three years back. Come on! These people have not pulled all-nighters since they were in college twenty or thirty years ago. And they could not form a coherent thought back then. So, what are they trying to accomplish? Oh, and what is up with the all the Presidential candidates' MySpace pages?

Been a long time.

Since I posted here. It seems that John Lennon was right: life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans. I have been working, going to school, and taking care of my daughter after work. These things took up most of my time for the last, almost, three months. The point of this post is not to complain about my life, but to explain.

The truth about Imus.

This story is from a Russian newspaper called Pravda which means Truth in Russian. This newspaper used to be the official newspaper of the Soviet Union. I didn't believe anything in it then and I am not about to start now.

The hunt for former glory.

As I was watching The Hunt for Red October, I read a story about the launch of a new Russian nuclear submarine. It is the first one to be launched by Russia since the Soviet Union was disbanded. This is an attempt to rebuild the sub fleet which has been in disrepair for years. It is also an attempt to recreate the former Soviet Union only a slightly more democratic one, something Putin is extremely fond of.

Tax day.

This morning, which would be a holiday if it weren't a Sunday, my wife is paying bills and my daughter is listening to classical music emanating from her Leap Frog. We are expecting, what local weather wizards called, a "northeaster" to arrive later today bringing snow. But right now it is only raining.

Space, the final frontier.

Forty six years ago today Yuri Gagarin became the first man to fly in space and orbit the Earth. Twenty six years ago today Columbia became the first shuttle to fly in space. Ironically, Gagarin was working on designs for a reusable space vehicle prior to his death. What started out as an expansion of the Cold War has evolved into former enemies "sitting in a tin can high above the world" together and people celebrating Yuri's Night every year.

A local Imus.

Gary Smith, a morning DJ at a radio station in nearby Stroudsburg, got fired yesterday for asking his listeners to repeat the phrase that only got Imus a two week suspension. I guess if Smith worked for CBS he would still have a job right now. Oops! It seems that I was a bit hasty in my admonishment of CBS, they decided to fire Imus after all. However, Smith pulled an Imus on Tuesday and got fired the following day while CBS waited a week and watched as advertisers fled the sinking ship before firing Imus. So the conclusion here is that money, and not the racial comment, was the proverbial straw.

Clothes make the man.

This site is a very interesting, and rather English, take on formal men's wear.

Blogiversary.

The Ignorant Immigrant has been in existence for a year. I started this blog after hearing about blogs in class, not really knowing what I wanted it to be about. I tried to keep it on the topic of my misadventures in rural America and how I see this country. Sometimes, I think that my daily life is too dull to write about so I don't, but I do need to document my daughter's development. This way, years from now, she can read these entries and learn about a part of her life she can't remember. Therefore, I will try to keep up with this blog more in the following year than I have in the past.

Easter Monday.

Let's ponder this one. So far we have had a wet, mild Christmas followed by a cold, snowy Easter. According to the local weather wizards, it was colder on Easter day (in April) then on Christmas day (in December). I miss the weather I knew when I was a kid, back then four seasons weren't just a hotel chain. Another thing I would like to ponder, or have explained to me, is how did the story of Jesus rising from the dead become a celebration filled with bunnies, eggs, and candy.

A bit of history.

For some reason the Kharkov Historical Museum houses a British World War I tank, which by the way was the reason tanks are called tanks. When I was a kid it sat in a garden area in the middle of the museum grounds along with a World War II Soviet T-34 tank. My friend Vlad took these as well.

Home, sweet home.

My friend Vlad, whom I have known for most of my life and who served as the best man at my wedding, posted pictures of his trip to our hometown on a Russian photo sharing site. This one shows the building I used to live in year ago. My former home is on the left side of the picture behind the green, corner building. I have a black and white picture of myself taken on the bridge in the foreground.

The price is wrong.

Yesterday, to commemorate the fourth anniversary of the war in Iraq, George W. Bush interrupted my enjoyment of The Price Is Right. In his short, yet pointless, speech he tried to justify the war by saying: "four years ago today, coalition forces launched Operation Iraqi Freedom to remove Saddam Hussein from power. They did so to eliminate the threat his regime posed to the Middle East and to the world." Saddam Hussein, if memory serves me right, tried to invade Iran only to bog both countries down in a war of attrition that lasted eight years. He also invaded Kuwait and was promptly escorted out by a coalition force. During the Kuwaiti invasion Hussein launched missiles into Israel, not the entire Middle East, just Israel. So I can see how his regime was a threat to everybody. This, by the way, brings me to the Weapons of Mass Distraction. If Hussein had the so-called WMDs back then why didn't he launch anything in the general direction of the United States? Bush also mentioned the importance of securing Baghdad and restoring peace in Iraq. These, of course, would not be necessary if he didn't decide to invade Iraq four years ago. The Democratic Congress has been talking about pulling the troops out of Iraq and Bush addressed that issue as well. "It can be tempting to look at the challenges in Iraq and conclude our best option is to pack up and go home. That may be satisfying in the short run, but I believe the consequences for American security would be devastating. If American forces were to step back from Baghdad before it is more secure, a contagion of violence could spill out across the entire country. In time, this violence could engulf the region. The terrorists could emerge from the chaos with a safe haven in Iraq to replace the one they had in Afghanistan, which they used to plan the attacks of September the 11th, 2001. For the safety of the American people, we cannot allow this to happen." The invasion of Iraq resulted in insurgency, car bombings, and civil war. And if Congress pulls the troops out of Iraq, the country will deteriorate into complete chaos. Bush makes you believe that pulling out of Iraq will play right into the terrorists' hands, actually the invasion itself was a part of the jihad master plan since the beginning. The biggest threat to "the safety of American people" came from the Marine barracks bombing in Beirut because, despite Ronald Reagan's promises to find those responsible, nothing was actually done about it. This proved to the Muslim fundamentalists throughout the world that you can kill Americans and the government will not react. Also Afghanistan became a breeding ground for terrorism because the US abandoned the Afghani people following the end of the Soviet invasion instead of "staying the course" and helping them rebuild. So here we are another war, another Republican President, another lie.

Better late than never.

Braunschweig chapter of the Germany's Social Democratic party is planning to have Hitler's citizenship revoked. I don't know what the SPD is trying to accomplish with this move, but it would have made more sense fifty or sixty years ago.

Ignorant Immigrant and the Holy Grail.

Yesterday after work I decided to find a wooden coat rack, the kind that stands up. We have a metal one, which recently gave way under the weight of winter coats and needs to be replaced. So I set off on my quest to the local mall and shopping area. The first stop was Lowe's which previously was the source of rather useless replacement stove knobs. After wandering around the store in aimless wonder of the size of the ails and the quantity of stuff they contain I asked a store employee for some much needed help. He directed me to some hanging coat racks, but after consulting my wife I returned to the quest for a standing one. After a little more wandering, and consulting another employee, I gave up and left Lowe's for Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart did not have any coat racks at all. It did not have any easily accessible employees either. I spent as much time looking for somebody who actually works there as I did looking for a coat rack. I gave up on Wal-Mart and left for Home Depot. There I finally found somebody who could tell me the truth: "We don't carry coat racks." I was relieved by this man's words because by then I was getting ready to give up anyway. So I bid adieu to the bright orange walls of Home Depot vowing to return if I ever decide to build a coat rack myself because if I can do it, they can help.

Last day of winter.

Today is the last, meteorological, day of winter. Tomorrow, regardless of the amount of snow still on the ground, spring will begin. Actually, spring has been in the air ever since the most famous Pennsylvania rodent missed his shadow twenty six days ago. But for me spring arrived yesterday when I signed up for fantasy baseball on Yahoo. Now I can't wait to select my team with the accuracy of a blind man kicking a field goal and to watch them fall apart with the combined winning history of the New York Muts and the Boston Red Sux. Oh well, it's free and it's fun.

Cultural differences.

My friend Leather Penguin sent me this link. It makes a very interesting point about the cultural differences between Europeans and Americans.

Family moment.

Today my daughter is two months old. It is really weird to write that. It is also really weird trying to remember a time before she was born because she brought so many new things into our lives. There are some things, such as diapers and night feedings, I can not wait to be done with. But there are also some things that I will never forget. Tonight, while my wife and I were watching TV, I changed the channel. The volume, as it often happens anymore, got unpleasantly loud. So my wife, who was holding Lili, looked at her and said: "Tell Daddy it's too loud." Lili turned and looked at me. That was an amazing moment.

Before going on a cruise.

Make sure that you bring your passport and an ex-Marine because without a passport you might not be able to get back into the country and without an ex-Marine you might not get back to the ship.

Have an ice day.

Yesterday, as schools were closing because of the snow and ice storm, my boss called to inform me that they are jumping on the bandwagon. This is great because now I get to spend Valentine's Day at home with my wife and daughter. Now, if only it started snowing again, this would be a perfect day.

Wrestling with God.

Once again the good citizens of Kansas are engaged in a Creation vs. Evolution wrestling match. This has been an on-going title bout for over a century. I think that it is time to call it a draw and find something new (more appropriate for the 21st century) to argue about. After all, both God and Darwin have long, white beards. Shouldn't that be a clue?

Bumper stickers.

Today, as I was walking to my car in a grocery store parking lot, I noticed a car next to mine with a bunch of bumper stickers. The three that I had time to read were: "I don't believe The New York Times," "I don't believe The Washington Post," and "Politically Incorrect and Proud of It." The driver of this car arrived at his vehicle soon after I passed it. He was a gentleman in his seventies (I am horrible judge of age so it is a really, really rough guess on my part) with gray hair and large glasses. Seeing him, made me wonder what made this man, who grew up in the age when people believed the printed word, put those stickers on his car. This reminded me of two stickers I had on a Buick I used to drive. One said "Broken horn look for finger," the other "If you found God, and nobody claims him in thirty days, he is yours." My wife was not very fond of them, but I thought they clearly represented my attitude toward life in general and religion in particular.

Survivor overdose.

CBS has been playing more commercials for the upcoming installment of Survivor than for the Super Bowl XLI. This Survivor installment was filmed in Fiji. Other than the location it is going to be exactly like every other Survivor, a show that I think needed to be canceled after the first season. One of the reasons I dislike Survivor is that they always take place in the tropics. Just once I wish the Survivor producers would do something different, something bold like Survivor: Siberia or even, to really amuse the viewing public, Survivor: Central Park If they do that I might have to watch.

Sleep.

Recently, my daughter decided that neither her nor us needed much sleep. She stays up most of the day which is fine with me and my wife. But she stays up at night, sometimes for hours, keeping us up along with her. We love her very much. But we love sleep, too. And this polyamoros relationship is becoming very hard to handle.

Second Sweden.

In a few weeks, Sweden will open an embassy in Second Life. It will be the first virtual embassy in the history of the virtual world. This is another step to creating complete virtual cities ala William Gibson.

Snow.

Yesterday, two new snow related laws were added to the books in Pennsylvania. The first one requires a driver to clear all the snow of their vehicle before driving. The second one requires a driver to turn on head lights when using windshield wipers in bad weather. Of course, it barely snowed here this Winter.

The Frisbee is 50.

Happy Birthday to a great piece of Americana!

Everything.

Senators Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton have announced their candidacy for the President of the United States. And all I can say is: good luck. If America was not ready for a Jewish Vice President, it is nowhere near ready for an African-American President or a woman President. Personally, I would love to see either of them win simply because this country has been misruled by white men from both parties for years. And it would be interesting to see if either of these two could do any better. The ideal Democratic ticket, in my opinion, would be Clinton For President with Obama For Vice President because it would be amusing to see the negative campaign the Republicans would launch against these two while trying not to alienate voters by attacking a woman and a minority. With so many people running for President in 2008, I might as well announce my candidacy, too. I know I can not win, but it sure would be fun trying. So vote for me, The Ignorant Immigrant, a candidate for a true change in the White House.

The Universe.

Today is the thirty fourth anniversary of Roe vs.Wade. This Supreme Court decision did two things at the same time, one was to bring America into the 20th Century and the other was to give people with nothing better to do a cause to fight over. This is why I am announcing the formation of a new group: People Against Causes. This country has been divided by causes long enough. It is time to put a stop to it. It is time to end all causes. Wherever there is going to be a march for or against something we will be there to protest both sides.

Life.

While the main idea behind keeping a blog is to share your life and views with others, sometimes life gets in the way of blogging. Four weeks ago, as I was writing my Christmas post, my wife's water broke. So we went to the hospital and a little while later my daughter, Lilianna Noelle, was born. So the last month, even though my wife tells me that four weeks do not a month make, I spent working, taking care of Lili, and getting used to the idea of being a Dad. Also my wife and I celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary which is a big milestone in our life together especially since we now have Lili. All that kept me from having any ideas to write about. And so I attempting to get back into the blog of things, and keep those that actually read this blog interested.

So this is Christmas.

And what have you done? Another year's over and a new one just begun. These words from John Lennon's "Happy Christmas (War Is Over)" have always made me think about the year that has almost passed, about the choices that I made, and about everything that was going to happen the following year. This year has been full of new developments. I started this blog and graduate school. My wife and I moved out of the apartment we have lived in since before we graduated from college and before we were married. And now we are about to have our first child. Also a good friend of mine decided to follow in his brother's footsteps and move back to Pennsylvania. In short, this has been a good year. These are the things I am focusing on this Christmas since I have been robbed of "a white Christmas just like the ones I used to know" by the Heat Miser.

Person of the Year.

It was inevitable. It was bound to happen eventually. I dreamed that one day my humble contribution to the World Wide Web will be recognized. But I never imagined it would happen so soon. After all, this blog has only been around for less than a year. I, The Ignorant Immigrant, have been named the Person of the Year by Time magazine. I was so flabbergasted by this news that I nearly fell out of my nice, new computer chair. I am still in shock, but once I recover I plan to hold a press conference.

Commercials.

When I am in front of my computer the television behind me is usually tuned to the History Channel. Over the years I have gotten really good at drowning out commercials, but once in a while I come across a commercial I can not ignore. One such example is a commercial for a local law firm. It shows a kid on a tricycle and then a narrator proceeds to inform you that some wheels are safe and some are not. Next it shows a busy highway with tractor trailers on it. Then the voice over says: "every year thousands of people are killed or injured in truck related accidents, if this ever happens to you call the law firm of Munley, Munley, and Cartwright." So if you die in a truck accident you can get a lawyer to represent your ghost in a lawsuit against the trucking company. If you get killed by a car, on the other hand, you are on your own.

It's official!

The Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Red Barons are no more. From now on they will be known as the Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Yankees. Despite being a Yankees' fan, I am not sure I like the change because Minor League teams named after their Major League counterparts seem to me to lack an identity of their own. I would prefer the Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Bombers as the team's new name. But at least the uniforms will be better than the old ones.

Jack the sequel?

It seems that London is once again being plagued by a killer who targets prostitutes. This is the third such case in English history.

Iran.

This is too ridiculous to believe. Iran is holding a conference to debate the Holocaust. It happened, six million people died. Stop debating it already.

Double talk.

Thursday morning, as I was getting ready to go to work, a local radio station announced that a train derailed causing a chemical spill right outside of town. The report also said that a bridge, under which the tracks ran, would have to be closed during clean up. I was a little worried, since the place I work is near that bridge, but went to work anyway. Here is the part that I find bizarre. Both the radio report I heard at home and the TV report I saw at work repeated the same phrase: "the spilled toxic chemicals pose no danger to the general public." Last time I checked, which has been a while so things might have changed, chemicals can not be both "toxic" and "harmless". To reinforce the idea that the spilled chemicals "posed no danger to the general public" a local paper printed a story about the derailment with a picture of firefighters from a nearby town dressed in white hazmat suits being hosed off by the local firefighters in yellow protective suits. 30,000 gallons were spilled, but I guess they are only dangerous to those who come into immediate contact with the spill.

Ignorant immigrance.

Today, U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services announced a new citizenship test which will be used starting some time next year. This test has 144 (yes, one hundred and forty four!) questions some of which are a complete mystery to those who were born in this country. As Yakov Smirnoff once remarked, "America, what a country!"

Hunting season.

Today is the first day of the deer hunting season. Thousands of men left their comfortable homes for cold, narrow tree stands at a time of day that even farmers would frown up on. That is the part I do not get about hunting. I grew up, and lived most of my life, in cities. So after moving to rural Pennsylvania hunting was something that puzzled me for years. I eventually accepted it as a way of life around here, but the one thing I still do not completely understand is this drive to be cold and miserable. We have achieved a certain level of technological development which provides us with a a lot of comfort. This comfort is very important and sadly missed if taken away by some misfortune. And yet these people pay for the right to be uncomfortable. If you figure in the cost of all the equipment a hunter buys before setting out into the wilderness, this outing becomes a great gamble since the outcome, i.e. a deer, is not guaranteed. So like I said, I simply do not understand hunting. Fishing, on the other hand, is an entirely different story.

Golf.

The latest name in golf is Russian. Mikhail Tyurin hit a golf ball into Earth's orbit. Beat that, Tiger!

Snow.

Today I saw the first snow of the season. It was not a lot of snow, it barely stuck to the windshield of my car. But it was snow none the less. And nothing makes a Russian happier than snow.

Casino Royale.

I decided to see this movie despite my initial reservations about Daniel Craig playing James Bond. And I was not disappointed by the last original Ian Fleming novel to be filmed. Casino Royale was actually the first Bond novel Fleming wrote, so it had to be updated a bit. One major change, since Pierce Brosnan's Bond stopped driving an Astin Martin and wearing a Rolex, was the switch from Baccarat to Texas Hold 'Em poker. The only thing that stood out as slightly anachronistic was M's conversation with Bond about being promoted to 00 status too soon. This makes sense in the context of the first Bond novel, but it is out of place in the twenty first installment in the film series. There was also a nice homage to Sean Connery when Bond won an Astin Martin DB5 which Connery drove in the '60s.

Only in America.

It seems that we do not have enough advertisements. This is either really stupid, or really smart. Any way you look at it, it is really freaking weird.

Oh, Canada?

You have to read this story to believe it. It seems that Canadians are pushing the boundries of freedom further and farther.

Moving.

I hate moving. I used to say I did not mind moving because I moved to this country, but I did that with just two suitcases. It is a lot easier to move with two suitcases because you only pack the absolutely essential stuff. But when you have lived in one place for seven years, you accumulate a great deal of unnecessary crap and you are the one that has to move it.

Speaking of veterans.

Jack Palance died yesterday. He was my favorite actor because, like me, he was a Ukrainian-American. RIP, Jack.

Veterans' Day.

Today is a day set aside to remember all those who fought in wars throughout the world. It is important to remember them more than once a year because we owe them a debt that goes far beyond mere gratitude. We, the civilians, should honor and respect these soldiers regardless of how we feel about the conflict they fought in. I was against invasion of Iraq since the beginning, but the American soldiers who fight in Iraq will always have my support and admiration. Because I owe that to them.

The results are in.

Recently I found out that a friend of mine, whose whole family are Republicans, registered as a Democrat. Upon find this out his family told him that what makes America great is the right to be wrong. And this led me to thinking about the dynamic between the two parties. The election results surprised me to say the least. I expected the majority of voters to buy into the propaganda that the Republicans were dispensing through commercials, sound bites, and Presidential visits. The message being directed at all of us was that the Republicans, and only the Republicans, knew what was good for the country and had the ability to deliver it. And that the Democrats would either invite the terrorists to attack again or help them gain access to some really nasty stuff. It sounded exactly like what Dick Cheney said during the last presidential campaign. I forgot where he was speaking, but the message was simply vote for us and the country will not get attacked. This was a wonderful piece of rhetoric since, if I remember correctly, the Republicans were in power on 9/11. And that is where the difference between the two parties lies. If they want your opinion, the Republicans will give you the party line. While the Democrats will actually listen to what you have to say. The whole situation reminds me of the Cold War since the Republicans sound more and more like the Soviets and the Democrats like the US. It also reminds me of a divorced couple fighting over their children by trying to convince them that the other parent is no good.

Voting machines.

Since today is Election Day I did the responsible thing and voted. I take voting seriously for two reasons. First is that in the Soviet one party system there was no point in voting. And second is that before I got my United States citizenship I could not vote. As a Resident Alien I would pay taxes to support the government, but I was not allowed to pick people who ran it. This was the first time I encountered computerized voting machines. Several weeks ago I started hearing ads on the radio advertising a website which was suppose to help Pennsylvanians get used to the new gadgets. I, being The Ignorant Immigrant that I am, kept meaning to visit this site in order to educate myself. But when I sat foot inside the local fire hall where the voting took place, I realized that I completely forgot to visit this site and became filled with fear that my ignorant immigrance will somehow prevent me from using the machine in the proper manner. However, once I approached the device, trembling like an ape in front of a black monolith, and read through a brief tutorial everything seemed fine. I left the fire hall rather pleased with myself. I have survived the electoral process and am looking forward to doing it again in 2008.

Election Day.

This year Election Day fell on November 7th which is also the day that was celebrated as the anniversary of the October Revolution in the Soviet Union. See, back in 1917 Russia was still using the Julian calendar, which is 13 days behind the more common Gregorian calendar, so the revolution actually took place on October 25th, 1917.

Big Brother online.

It seems that a vision of the future William Gibson wrote about in Neuromancer and other novels is slowly becoming a solid and tangible thing, if only in a completely virtual way.

The Kerry issue.

By now, what John Kerry said about poor grades and being stuck in Iraq is old news. But I wanted to take time to ponder it because I wanted what I wrote to be what I thought, and not what I felt, about the issue. I think that the Republicans could not have planned it better themselves. I think that Kerry, without any help, torpedoed the Democrats who are trying to unseat the Republicans throughout the country. What Kerry said came so close to the election that it will still be fresh in the voters' minds on Tuesday. There is no amount of money the Republicans could have spent on negative ads, which by the way they are so good at, that would have caused this much damage. Another thing that Kerry did to help the Republican cause was not apologize right away. And when he did apologize it was a half-hearted apology which did nothing to improve the situation. Before the Kerry debacle I used to think that the Democrats had a chance of winning a lot of the elections around the country. Now I have no idea how this election is going to end. I guess we will see on Wednesday if the Democrats still have a chance.

Politics as usual.

Friday, the local paper ran a story they picked up from the wire about the settlement between Don Sherwood and his mistress. The story said the settlement was $500,000 and that Sherwood's mistress received less than half of this money. As part of the settlement, she will get the rest of it after the election day. She is also not supposed to talk about the details of the settlement or she forfeits the money. And Sherwood got away with not admitting any wrongdoing. Another story in the same issue, this one written by a member of the newspaper's staff, said that Sherwood is confident in his victory. Of course he is confident. He had great support in this election. People like his wife, who should have crucified him, and George W. Bush, who would have crucified him if Sherwood were a Democrat, campaigned for him. The message I get as a voter is that it is OK to cheat on your wife, and even to choke your mistress on occasion, as long as you are a Republican. Then you can buy all kinds of forgiveness and continue to preach "family values" (which exclude gay marriage, but not extramarital affairs) from the pulpit of your elected office.

To the victor go the spoils.

First, the St. Louis Cardinals won this year's World Series by defeating the Detroit Tigers. And now St. Louis surpassed Detroit in the "most dangerous city in the country" category. Sometimes it is better to lose.

October.

October has always been my favorite month. What I love about October is watching the leaves change. September, a lot of times, is an extension of Summer. And November is more like Winter with its rain and cold. There is something magical about all the colors that you see in nature this time of year, especially here in Pennsylvania. The tree-covered mountains take on a beauty which escapes capture by words or by my low-end cell phone camera. You simply have to see it for yourself.

PA Republicans.

Yesterday, as I was ignoring the nightly news, I heard the anchor announce that President Bush is coming to Northeastern Pennsylvania to attend a fundraiser for the "embattled" Congressman Don Sherwood. Embattled in this case means that Sherwood had a mistress who called 911 one day because she feared for her life. What is interesting is that if Sherwood were a Democrat, the Republicans would nail his ass to the wall like they did with Clinton over Monica Lewinsky. But since he is one of them, there is no mention of this being a problem. Otherwise why would the President come here for a fundraiser? Also recently the other Republican party's gift to Pennsylvania, Rick Santorum, compared the war in Iraq to J.R.R.Tolkien's The Lord of The Rings. My undergraduate degree is in English so I am used to comparing and contrasting things, but after pondering this for a while I still do not get it. One is an unnecessary waste of American lives and the other is a classic of English literature. With senators like these, who needs terrorists. God help us if they get re-elected.

Damn Yankees.

Cory Lidle is dead. He died in a fiery crash when his plane collided with is a Manhattan building. By now this is not news, but I wanted to write about his death because it seemed to me symbolic of the Yankees performance lately. They have fallen into a holding pattern, if I may use an airplane related term here, of signing big names only to see them fail in a spectacular fashion. A perfect example of this is Randy "The Redneck" Johnson who went from being the best left handed pitcher to being just an old guy with a bad back. The Yankees should have traded for him back in 2002 after he, with some help from the Diamondbacks, won the World Series. Alex Rodriguez, whose plane just overshot the runaway, is another example of the spectacular failure pattern. At one point, he was the highest paid baseball player in the Majors. But at the time he played for the George W. Bush owned Texas Rangers and we all know how capable Bush is in the good judgement department. Don't get me wrong I am a Yankees fan, but lately they make it very hard to root for them when they squander money only to see it go up in smoke. If they want to waste millions they might as well sign me.

Columbus Day.

Yesterday was Columbus Day, a holiday which should be abolished. It should be abolished not because it may be offensive to Native Americans who discovered America when their ancestors crossed over the Bering Strait from Asia during the last Ice Age. But because Columbus should not be celebrated at all. He did not discover America. He stumbled upon the Caribbean, the island of San Salvador to be exact, where he landed on October 21, 1492. To put it simply, the man got lost and now we celebrate him as a great explorer. Sad, very sad. Also, America was named after Amerigo Vespucci who explored America but we do not bother to erect his statues in public places or name avenues after him. And what about Leif Ericson, the first European who actually landed on the North American continent centuries before Columbus got lost?

How low can they go.

Yesterday, while I was visiting my friend Leather Penguin, actually I was visiting his site since he lives on a small, not-so-tropical island off the coast of New York, I saw something that amazed and amused me. As I was scrawling down his site I saw an advertisement for a blog by non other than our "beloved" (insert massive amounts of sarcasm here) Senator Rick Santorum. I clicked on it and, after viewing a few entrees, laughed. It is truly laughable that politicians will use anything to get us to vote for them. I have already received something in the mail from him, had my enjoyment of C.S.I. and spin offs interrupted by his commercials, and see campaign signs along every road in town. This, however, is something I was not expecting. I know that politicians embrace the Internet in their bid for election or re-election, but this, in my not-so-humble opinion is too far. For Pete's sake, leave blogging to those of us that don't occupy an elected office from which to spew their drivel in form of legislation and sound bites and who will not be seen on Beat The Press or Mace The Nation, as an ex-girlfriend of mine used to call them. Having said this, I would like to announce my candidacy for the US Senate as a Senator from Pennsylvania under the "Blogging for Bloggers" platform. I am The Ignorant Immigrant and I approved this message.

Election season.

October is upon us which means that the number of election ads is going to increase. Actually it has increased already to the point that I don't want to watch regular television. I am tired of politician after politician proclaiming that they approve the message and what follows is an insult to their opponents and our intelligence. I am begining to think that elections should be desided by boxing matches, bare knuckle boxing matches. I am sure that people would pay to see these.

English vs. American.

Episode #201 of Alien Loves Predator is the best demonstration of the differences between the two languages. If you don't think that American is a separate language, this should, hopefully, convince you.

The Yankees are coming.

It's official, the Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Red Barons are going to replace the Columbus Clippers as the Yankees' AAA team. This is great news since there are far more Yankees fans than Phillies, the team Red Barons were previously affiliated with, fans in our area. There are major changes in store for the stadium where the team currently plays. There is talk of switching from astroturf to natural grass as well as getting rid of the upper decks to increase the demand for tickets. The current team isn't spectacular and neither is the attendance which might, in part, be due to their performance and the Phillies affiliation. All this is going to change. People are going to be coming to the games to see the future Yankees as well as the current ones during their rehab stints. All I can say is: "take me out to the ball game!"

Don't ban smoking.

The city of Philadelphia just passed a ban on smoking in public places. So the heard minded people around here were thinking of doing the same to make the air cleaner. There are a couple of problems with this idea. One is that people will continue smoking in their houses and thereby still polluting the air. Two is that we will still have factories and vehicles belching out such good stuff as carcinogens. And the common denominator of these problems is people. People also cause such problems as drive by shootings and suicide bombings. Therefore, in order to make our public places cleaner and safer don't ban smoking, ban people.

Crusades anyone?

Friday, the Pope pissed off the Muslims with a statement he made about Islam being spread by the use of violence during a speech in Germany. Saturday, he apologized for the huge misunderstanding of his speech. Today, the Somalis killed a Catholic nun. The thing all the protesting Muslims seemed to have forgotten is that Islam was spread by military conquest. And you can't have military conquest without violence. Also, for people who don't want to be perceived as violent they sure do kill a lot of innocent civilians.

Fall.

It seems that Fall has arrived. It has rained for the last two days and when I drove past the Bloomsburg Fairgrounds I saw several tents and stands already set up. The Fair doesn't start until the 23rd but vendors begin arriving well in advance along with the cold weather and rain. Out come the long sleaves and rain jackets, in go shorts and sandals. Even though Summer doesn't officially end until September 22nd, it is only a formality because Fall is here already.

Linguistically speaking.

So, it seems all the people who are trying to make English the official language of this country are wrong. The language is not in any danger from the Spanish speaking immigrants. Funny thing is that the language spoken in the US isn't English. It's American.

Five years later.

When I thought about what I would write today several things came to mind. One was all the programs commemorating today's anniversary. I did not think they were necessary because it is not going to be a day anybody will soon forget. Another one was the current state of things and the recent arrests in England. It seems to me that five years later we aren't any safer. But then my wife said something that changed my view of things. As I was driving her to work, and we were listening to the radio, she said "it's been five years, we weren't even married then." And I started thinking about all the things that happened in my life in the last five years. The attacks on 9/11 made me realize that I did not want to wait to get married. And so my wife and I quickly threw a wedding together in a couple of months and got married on the fourth anniversary of our first date. Also I stopped wandering aimlessly and decided to go to graduate school. Now I am working on my Masters degree. And the best thing is that my wife and I are expecting our first child. My life has changed for the better since 9/11 and that is what I will remember the next time I hear bad news coming out of the Middle East. Because I am moving forward and this is my small victory over terrorism.

Books.

Today, as I was recycling my soda bottles and unread newspapers, it dawned on me that the so-called Western Civilization is slowly fading into oblivion. Here is why, the Bloomsburg recycling center has two bins for books: one for hard cover and one for paperback. Books should not be recycled. Books should be read, reread, and loaned to friends who would forget to return them. Even to this day, the Library of Alexandria destruction is considered the greatest loss of knowledge known to mankind. But, yet we consider recycling books a perfectly mundane occurance. Prior to the invention of the printing press, books took months to copy and were very, very expensive. And now, thanks to Guttenberg, if you want disposable printed word buy newspapers and magazines. Nobody would fault you for recycling those.

Russians and Donuts.

Today I met another, or should I say the other, Russian in Bloomsburg. Her name is Olga and she works at Dunkin Donuts. She's originally from Kazakhstan which is located in Central Asia, bordering Russia and China. She told me she spent 10 years in Germany and came here because of her husband. She would have told me more, but my order was complete and I had to go.

To blog or not to blog.

It is September and I have not yet changed the calendar above my desk. I also have not written anything in a while. In fact, the whole month of August went by without much writing on my part. I read other blogs where people post something every day even if it has no significance at all. Yet I find myself unable to write even the simplest things like: today I have nothing to say. My original goal was to write about the things that I, as an immigrant, find absolutely bizarre. I have always wanted to have a platform for my thoughts and now that I have one I fail to use it. Maybe my location has something to do with my lack of writing. My friend Leather Peguin, who resides in NYC, has no problems coming up with stuff to write about. On the other hand, he never had any problems in that department. I know that daily life has something to do with my inability to write, but I always aspired to become a writer and not writing is a sure way not to achieve my goal. Oh, well...

It's history.

So I am watching the night news on a local station, and they show a building being demolished in the nearby city of Wilkes Barre. As I am watching a construction worker bring down the building with a back-hoe, the news anchor says that it's a Planters building being demolished because it hasn't been used in a while. Then the anchor goes on to say that Planters was founded in 1906 in Wilkes Barre. So I go to the Planters website and sure enough the news report is right. It was founded there by two Italian immigrants. What I wonder is why wouldn't a company as big as Planters invest a little money and turn the building into a museum to celebrate their roots. This would have been good for both Planters and Wilkes Barre which is racked with drug related violence. I guess there is no sense of history in big business. Somehow I am not surprised.

Apathy rules!

It is August and I have not posted anything since the middle of July. One reason for this is pure laziness that, I believe, was induced by the almost 100 degree heat we have been enjoying. And I can't think of another reason right now. Not to mention the fact that there hasn't been anything of great interest to comment on recently. So here I sit in my ignorance.

It's official!

The Hazleton city council passed the anit-immigration ordinance with a 4-1 vote. Now English is the official language of Hazleton. The landlords who rent to illegal immigrant and employees who hire illegal immigrants will have to pay $1,000 per immigrant in fines if caught. I wonder how long it will be before other cities around the country start thinking this is a good idea and pass their own ordinances. After all, jumping on the band wagon is a national pastime more popular than baseball.

And they call me ignorant.

My friend the Leather Penguin wrote about this pro-life goof who read an article about abortion in The Onion and argued with the article's imaginary author in his blog. This goof, of course, received a ton of comments telling him what a goof he is. So he decided to write a few more blogs defending his goofiness and insulting the people who commented. He even said that he knew it was satire all along. Yeah, right. I will believe that when I feed peanuts to the elephants on whose backs the Earth is resting.

My former countrymen amuse me.

Today, several news agencies reported that Shamil Basayev, the Chechen version of Osama, was killed in an explosion. This is great news since he was responsible for the deaths of hundreds of Russian civilians, most recently the Beslan school siege. The two sides of the Russo-Chechen war disagree on what exactly caused the explosion. The Chechens claim that he died in an accidental explosion while escorting a truck loaded with explosives. While the Russian security forces claim that Basayev was killed by a bomb they planted and detonated. The amusing thing about this is that back in the Soviet Union they used to claim that Russia was the source of every invention known to man. We even had a joke about it. We used to say that Russia was the birthplace of elephants. And it seems that it still is.

The surrealism of reality TV.

I am watching the Sci-Fi channel and a commercial comes on for a new reality show. This show is brought to you by the comic book legened Stan Lee. And the title of this masterpiece of reality television is Who Wants To Be A Superhero? And all I can think is, has Stan Lee lost it in his old age. This idea is worse than American Idle or Purgatory's Pantry. It sounds as bad as Who Wants To Be A Crackwhore? which is not a real show, not yet at least.

It's been a year since the London Bombing.

So I offer a little prayer on this sad anniversary. May the victims' families find peace. May the British intelligence find those responsible. May the British special forces separate them from their testicles. And may the perpetrators rot in hell with 72 hot pokers shoved up their asses on daily basis forever and ever. Amen.

It was twenty years ago today...

I recently saw an advertisement for quarters commemorating the Mets 1986 World Series victory. This amused me because it is not something I would think the Mets would want to commemorate. Yes, they won a World Series, but it has been twenty years. This, to me, says we are celebrating the fact that we haven't won in twenty years. This is kind of like throwing a party to remember the grand slam you hit in little league. But what do I know, I'm a Yankees fan.

Happy 4th of July!

We have running water again. We have to boil it before we can drink it, but at least we don't have to go the water buffalo to get some. We still have a curfew and mud on the streets as well as in the park and the fair grounds. We might not even have the tradiotional 4th of July concert and fireworks in the park, but it is still a very happy day in my little corner of PA.

More flood fun.

The Susquehanna river finally dropped below flood stage. However, we now have a dusk until dawn curfew. Good news is that the town has been declared eligible for Federal Disaster Relief. So, hopefully, we'll have running water by the end of July.