Let it flow.

This past weekend was a very busy one here in dear old Bloomsburg. This time of April the town usually throws a street festival to celebrate Spring. This event coinsides with the Bloomsburg University holding a Children and Siblings Weekend for their students. And the students hold a block party at which alcohol flows freely. My wife and I usually go to the street festival to partake of the food and listen to the bands. We do not have any children so going to the University sponsored shindig was useless for us. And the booze fest is a something that I just don't understand. This year, however, we would have been better off hanging out with the children or getting drunk because the street fest got rained out. Well, it would have been rained out if the organizers had the brains to close it down since it rained hard and got cold quickly, or to check the forcast and postpone it until the next weekend. But alas, poor Yorick, no such luck. The street fest must be held rain or shine. And so, soaked, cold, and laidened with cheap books we bought from local churches, we went home to watch tv and attempt to get warm. Oh well, maybe next year.

Old dog, old tricks.

Where I come from if people ask you how you are they want to know. But not in this country, here it has become a greating. At first, I used to tell people how I was but the odd looks on their faces told me I was doing something wrong. This was a hard thing for me to get used to, but I eventually did. Depsite all my years in this country I occasionally forget this rule. Case in point, the other day I was talking to a beautiful woman who works with my wife and she asked me how I was. Distracted, I started to tell her about my walk from the campus of Gibbsville University to my wife's work place. Then, all of a sudden, I realised that all she wanted to hear is "fine". It's not a statement of your actual being, it's just a statement. And that is what the interaction between people has boiled down to, statements. Simple statements that do not allow a conection to form between people. It's all very binary.

New fraise proposal.

In view of recent governmental inquiries into steroid use by the MLB players, I propose a new fraise to replace the tried and worn out "Does the bear shit in the woods?" and "Is the pope catholic?". This fraise is "Does Bonds take steroids?" It's about time to update the clichés .

Don't forget your towel.

On Friday, my wife and I went to the Red Barons home opener. It had been raining on and off throughout the day and we weren't sure if the game would not be rained out. We had really good seats and were shielded from the rain by a roof of sorts, but the seats themselves were wet. So the towels, my wife so prudently packed in her purse, came in handy. The game was very exciting and enjoyable despite the Red Barons losing. It is nice to see a game which has nothing to do with multi-million dollar contracts or steroid abuse. It is baseball the way it used to, and was meant to, be.

America the uniform.

When I first moved to the small town where I now reside it was difference from other small towns. It had its own unique flair, history, and appearance. It was even different from the small town eight miles away that I moved from. It was especially different from the City of New York where I used to live. The things that I use to measure uniqueness of a place are stores, restaurants, and architecture. By seeing all these you can really get to know a place and its people. And now the uniqueness of this small town is being erroded by a massive invation of chains. In the last two years the following have appeared in our, previously prestine, backyard: Super Walmart, Lowe's, Home Depo, Office Depo, Charlie Brown's Steak House, Panera Bread, and Ruby Tuesday's. Also there are a Holiday Inn Express and a Goodwill store being built. Now, because of these changes people traveling along the interstate could not tell our little part of Pennsylvania from any place else. America the beautiful is slowly becoming America the uniform, America the corporate. The issue I have not resolved yet is whether or not this influx of convinience and so-called civilization worth the loss of identity.

Speak now, think later.

Since English is my second language some sayings and fraises baffle me. Here is a perfect example: "Have a good (insert a holiday here) if I don't see you." This makes me think that the speaker is suggesting you will have a bad holiday if the two of you see each other again. So to combat this practice, I wish people to have a good holiday without implying whether we are going to see each other in the near future or not. It seems to make more sence to me. After all, I don't want anybody to have a bad holiday.

Say what you mean, mean what you say.

It is seems that Roger Clemens might come out of retirement again. He did it once, so why shouldn't he do it twice? This is a really poplular thing to do with artist and athletes. Examples? Mr. Air himself, Michael Jordan, who has come out of retirement several times. In fact, I think he is overdue for another come back. Then there are Celine Dion and Elton John. Both made retirement announcements only to come back a little while later. It's called taking a break, or a long vacation, but not retirement. Retirement implies that you won't be doing what you have been doing anymore, that you no longer have to go to work every day, or in The Rocket's case every five days. It does not imply that you will be coming back after a year or so. If you are going to retire hang around the house, travel the world, buy stuff you don't need, but under no circumstances come back. That's what I am going to do.

Play Ball!

Spring officially starts in March, but to me the start of baseball season means Spring is here. And nothing says baseball around here like the home opener of the Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Red Barons. The Red Barons are a Triple-A team which means you get to see a good game for a lot less money. How much less? $23 for two tickets right by the visiting team's dugout, very near the homeplate. This is what makes living in small town America truly great. After I bought the tickets I found out that Mick Foley, the legendary hardcore wrestler, will be throwing out the first pitch and signing autographs (not at the same time). I am excited that the baseball season, I mean Spring, is finally here.